I'd like to think that I have become more realistic in my old age, with regards to my objectives, but still maintaining a little bit of a dreamer perspective.
Is that the case? Who knows, but I want to document this year what my goals are. I think it's more to brain dump everything on paper. Right now, my mind is beyond cluttered, and one thing I always share with my professional organizing clients is that clutter is needy and parasitical. It needs your undivided attention and will drain any joy from your blood. Typically, I'm referring to a wardrobe filled with 2-sizes-2-small clothing or a deluge of credit card statements, but it can also apply to the shit that is sucking the life out of your mind.
So here we go, my 2019 goals, in no particular order:
1. Breaking up with Seamless/Take-out
In going over my budget since being laid off, it became PAINFULLY clear that I was having a torrid affair with Seamless. Roman is aware but looks the other way. I don't blame the guy. Getting in between a ravenous wife and Mateo the delivery guy is a sure-fire way to lose a finger. I didn't realize how knee-deep I was in this affair until my post-employment financial analysis.
On average, I spent $1000 a month on take-out. For 2 people! And really, more like 1.5 people because Roman eats out when he is working. So I can't include him in this glutenous fat-assery debacle.
I was beside myself when I saw the spreadsheet calculation and immediately yearned for deep-fried vegan egg roles from the local vegan place. Stress-eating kicked in like the speed of light.
Spoiler alert - I had cheerios instead.
Resolution: I have since said bye Felicia to Seamless and all its other slutty take-out apps. For 2019, I am going to try to cook. Or eat my mom's delicious food. Or visit friends that cook.
Second (and third, fourth, fifth, etc.), it's unnecessary calories, ages you faster, is a depressant, and hangovers are evil experiences that remind you that your body is in real control here.
My drinking in 2018 has been historical. At first, I found it charming to have a class of red wine while binge watching The Office for the 3567th time. But then it became a bottle each time. A bottle a week. And so on and so forth.
Roman also hates that I drink. My husband is tolerant of a lot of things, but the look in his eyes when he comes home to an empty bottle of wine on our coffee table is enough to make you want to drink more.
In addition, my body is outright rejecting alcohol. My heartburn flares up, I get super bloated, and I wake up the next morning looking like someone ran over my face with a NYC street cleaner.
Will I have a glass of wine here and there? I don't fucking know. But I want to try not to. Should I go to a meeting? Perhaps. I've been to a few in the past, and they have been helpful. My introvert self, though, struggles with wanting to rapidly retrieve to my couch, Dunder Mifflin, and my cats. And a 2005 Cabernet.
Spoiler Alert - My last drink was not in fact a beautiful 2005 Cabernet. Nope. I ended 2018 and my relationship with alcohol with a 6 pack of lemon flavored cider, which is really a rip off of Smirnoff Ice. My last drink and it's a college wine cooler! I am pretty sure I lost my virginity being drunk on Smirnoff Ice. And almost 15 years later, I chose that to be my last drink.
Resolution: For 2019, I'm going to try and avoid alcohol. One day at a bloody Mary time.
My instagram is FLOODED with success stories on people who have lost weight. Everybody loves these stories, and it can be truly inspiring. It can also be truly annoying.
These people who have found their waist lines and healthy cholesterol levels become product endorsing fortune cookies, posting limericks of encouragement that sound borderline inspired by Angel Dust. Hell, I've even walked the walk at one point and speak from experience. I was, once upon a time, an encouraging, most likely obnoxious, weight loss success story. In fact, this blog started as weight loss/maintenance tool.
It just all seems so insincere sometimes. It seems like the weight loss success stories are riding on a cloud of instagram likes and free laxative teas.
All this has weighed (pun intended) on me greatly, and so I don't know if I feel like publicly declaring anything official about my weight loss. Probably because each time I have declared it, I celebrate the announcement by ordering pastas and pies from Seamless on one hand and sipping a Pinot Noir on the other.
Some may think I am saying this because I am overweight, or jealous, or insecure, or simply, an asshole. It's hard to say now if this is true. Let's talk when I am an AFTER picture again.
Spoiler alert - I still follow these success story, product pushing, limerick writing Tools.
Resolution: Instead of saying I want to lose 75 lbs, I'll say this: I aim to not get winded going up stairs and jay-walking Ditmars Blvd. I aim to wear some of the clothes I own, when I had a waist-line and healthy cholesterol levels. I'd really like to lose one of my chins, since I carelessly and, often enough, have the iPhone camera facing me, and when I turn that baby on to snap a picture of a beautiful sunset, I flinch in confusion at the sight before my eyes.
But I worked extremely hard to pay if all off in the course of a year. Some thing to this day, I am super proud of. Never thinking I'd have to do it again.
And here we are. It's been a little more challenging to wrap my head around how this happened. I mean I know how it happened: Vet bills, Seamless, moving back to NY, taking a huge pay cut, taxes, etc. It all added up. And now being unemployed, I'm mildly panicking.
However, I shouldn't. I have an incredibly supportive husband, who is working 12 hour days to help pay this down. Which I have guilt about because I have always handled my finances. Now, I am a we, an our. Therefore, it is OUR debt. The aforementioned expenses were family related. But I have a hard time with receiving his help sometimes. Why do you ask? Great question! I don't even fucking know. <Sigh> I really should add therapy as a resolution.
Spoiler alert - I don't have therapy as a resolution.
Resolution: I know when I find the right job, paying this off will be no problem at all. I know Roman and I can pay it off within a year, or at least make a huge dent within a year.
There you have it folks. My incredibly honest, incredibly snarky and optimistic 2019 resolution list.
Off to make dinner. I'm dreading this already.
I was beside myself when I saw the spreadsheet calculation and immediately yearned for deep-fried vegan egg roles from the local vegan place. Stress-eating kicked in like the speed of light.
Spoiler alert - I had cheerios instead.
Resolution: I have since said bye Felicia to Seamless and all its other slutty take-out apps. For 2019, I am going to try to cook. Or eat my mom's delicious food. Or visit friends that cook.
2. Breaking up with Alcohol
Now, this seems like an obvious one. First, I am on anti-depressants. So I shouldn't be drinking AT ALL. But some how my crazy ass has made it work, but we should define work. Not on this post though.Second (and third, fourth, fifth, etc.), it's unnecessary calories, ages you faster, is a depressant, and hangovers are evil experiences that remind you that your body is in real control here.
My drinking in 2018 has been historical. At first, I found it charming to have a class of red wine while binge watching The Office for the 3567th time. But then it became a bottle each time. A bottle a week. And so on and so forth.
Roman also hates that I drink. My husband is tolerant of a lot of things, but the look in his eyes when he comes home to an empty bottle of wine on our coffee table is enough to make you want to drink more.
In addition, my body is outright rejecting alcohol. My heartburn flares up, I get super bloated, and I wake up the next morning looking like someone ran over my face with a NYC street cleaner.
Will I have a glass of wine here and there? I don't fucking know. But I want to try not to. Should I go to a meeting? Perhaps. I've been to a few in the past, and they have been helpful. My introvert self, though, struggles with wanting to rapidly retrieve to my couch, Dunder Mifflin, and my cats. And a 2005 Cabernet.
Spoiler Alert - My last drink was not in fact a beautiful 2005 Cabernet. Nope. I ended 2018 and my relationship with alcohol with a 6 pack of lemon flavored cider, which is really a rip off of Smirnoff Ice. My last drink and it's a college wine cooler! I am pretty sure I lost my virginity being drunk on Smirnoff Ice. And almost 15 years later, I chose that to be my last drink.
Resolution: For 2019, I'm going to try and avoid alcohol. One day at a bloody Mary time.
** Honorable Mention Resolutions
Weight
I warn you that I am about to enter a whole new level of snarky, so if you offend easily, then . . . well, you shouldn't really be reading my blog.My instagram is FLOODED with success stories on people who have lost weight. Everybody loves these stories, and it can be truly inspiring. It can also be truly annoying.
These people who have found their waist lines and healthy cholesterol levels become product endorsing fortune cookies, posting limericks of encouragement that sound borderline inspired by Angel Dust. Hell, I've even walked the walk at one point and speak from experience. I was, once upon a time, an encouraging, most likely obnoxious, weight loss success story. In fact, this blog started as weight loss/maintenance tool.
It just all seems so insincere sometimes. It seems like the weight loss success stories are riding on a cloud of instagram likes and free laxative teas.
All this has weighed (pun intended) on me greatly, and so I don't know if I feel like publicly declaring anything official about my weight loss. Probably because each time I have declared it, I celebrate the announcement by ordering pastas and pies from Seamless on one hand and sipping a Pinot Noir on the other.
Some may think I am saying this because I am overweight, or jealous, or insecure, or simply, an asshole. It's hard to say now if this is true. Let's talk when I am an AFTER picture again.
Spoiler alert - I still follow these success story, product pushing, limerick writing Tools.
Resolution: Instead of saying I want to lose 75 lbs, I'll say this: I aim to not get winded going up stairs and jay-walking Ditmars Blvd. I aim to wear some of the clothes I own, when I had a waist-line and healthy cholesterol levels. I'd really like to lose one of my chins, since I carelessly and, often enough, have the iPhone camera facing me, and when I turn that baby on to snap a picture of a beautiful sunset, I flinch in confusion at the sight before my eyes.
Debt
Over the last 12 months, I have accumulated quite a lot of debt. Debt is something that I have had and have tackled head on. Once before, I paid off 25K in credit cards, essentially my thank you bill from my college years. I didn't have a college fund, so I worked my way through school. And everything from rent to milk to CDs were sitting on an Amex account.But I worked extremely hard to pay if all off in the course of a year. Some thing to this day, I am super proud of. Never thinking I'd have to do it again.
And here we are. It's been a little more challenging to wrap my head around how this happened. I mean I know how it happened: Vet bills, Seamless, moving back to NY, taking a huge pay cut, taxes, etc. It all added up. And now being unemployed, I'm mildly panicking.
However, I shouldn't. I have an incredibly supportive husband, who is working 12 hour days to help pay this down. Which I have guilt about because I have always handled my finances. Now, I am a we, an our. Therefore, it is OUR debt. The aforementioned expenses were family related. But I have a hard time with receiving his help sometimes. Why do you ask? Great question! I don't even fucking know. <Sigh> I really should add therapy as a resolution.
Spoiler alert - I don't have therapy as a resolution.
Resolution: I know when I find the right job, paying this off will be no problem at all. I know Roman and I can pay it off within a year, or at least make a huge dent within a year.
There you have it folks. My incredibly honest, incredibly snarky and optimistic 2019 resolution list.
Off to make dinner. I'm dreading this already.
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