I would be lying if I didn't say it's been challenging. And that, for the first 3 days of 2019, I was the crankiest of assholes, having to use a stove, and drink seltzer (sans the vodka). I started to try and reframe this narrative, and would tell myself, "Well, I am used to being cranky. And being an asshole is part of my charm. And I think I'm feeling a bit better health-wise. So keep it up, C!"
And it's been working. When I feel temptations taunting me, like the little bitches that they are (ie: Kate Spade sales, Extra Supreme Guac Tacos, DAILY delivery.com coupons (as I am sure they are concerned as to my sudden neglect of their services), the Wine store that delivers the high end Pinot Noir that goes well with air, etc.), I tell myself, slow and steady. Or I'll throw an adult tantrum. Pouting and bitching all the way home. But then I'll have a thought, like how good it felt to go up 3 flights of stairs and not want to vomit last night's said Pinot Noir. Or I'll continue to tantrum and take a nap.
Sleep is the best weight loss tool. It doesn't get the credit it deserves.
With that, there are a few other tools that I have stumbled upon and relied on during this successful journey (all 19 days of it). Whether they'll always work is no guarantee, but they have been quite helpful thus far.
Indulgence
I won't deprive myself when it comes to food. Yesterday I gave in to my cravings after watching some serious ASMR eating videos (it's seriously like porn for the celibate). Typically, I am able to watch, fantasize, and move on to a Gala apple, but yesterday, I wanted the fried dough crunch. And since I don't have unhealthy food in the house, I had to order takeout. It was the first time in the new year that I did so, and with one of those freaking delivery.com coupons, I got 4 empanadas for 12 dollars, with tip. And I tracked it on my WW app. All 4 empanadas were the equivalent of a day and a half of food. But I was ok with that. I told the guilt to fuck off, I ate those empanadas like they were leading me in a seductive tango dance, and I finished the meal off with said Gala apple.I know my cheese fries and cheese sandwich cravings will hit soon. And I will indulge in them. And I may not lose weight that week. And that's ok! The moral is, it's fine. I want to be healthy, but a girl has gotta eat!
Research
In doing research about debt, I have come to realize that, no matter what, no matter how bad you think your are in the hole, there is always someone WAY worser off than you. And those people love to share their stories on the internet. And for them, I am eternally grateful. Not only did I realize that realistically, my husband and I can pay off our lenders, but I also realized how easily and swiftly your debt can double, triple, etc. I read some devastating stories about how many young people will be paying their debts until well after they retire, possibly taking it with them to the grave. And don't get me started on student loan debt. That shit is no fucking joke! I was fortunate enough to pay that off a few years after my undergrad, but seeing how so much of my generation has been fucked over by that.
I suddenly realized how blessed I was. But also, how easily I can lose sight of that and end up in a deeper despair of debt. This is what I hold on to when I want to go on a shopping spree at Staples (don't judge), or order a Kate Spade, or book the Greece trip I have been dreaming about for the last 2 years.
Greece will look better from outside of that hole. So, all in due time, sister.
Prep prep prep
Now this is a given when it comes to planning your meals, right? I mean, we have ALL heard this. Sundays is prep day. Plan your week, yada yada yada. So this was an easy life style change for someone that banks on cheerios and almost expired milk to start the day (said no one ever). And when that isn't an option, there was always Seamless!
I decided to start very slow when it came to meal prep. I wasn't getting fancy. I wasn't making anything that required any kind of marinating, baking, chopping, or measuring. And, the first week, I did just that. It was a lot of omelets and Amy's soup. And fruit, almonds, cheese sticks, and spinach. Precut and preheat were my pre-heroes. And, again, no deprivation. But I realized I would get bored fast, so the following week, I started chopping shit and even sautéing. And then last week, I actually baked that spaghetti squash thing. Which took me all afternoon, as I was using my stove for the first time in this apartment, and I was sure I would burn the place down. All in all, it was good. And the over-easy egg, spinach, and cheddar cheese I added to it made for the perfect dinner. And it was 3 points. To put that in perspective, the aforementioned empanadas? 30 points. Meal prep works! But I'm still not marinating anything.
I have also been prepping financially. I started doing something I haven't done in at least 10 years: balancing my checkbook. Every Friday I have a standing date with myself and my spreadsheet, and I reconcile like the wild child that I am. Bad ass, right? In all seriousness, it's helped put my finances in perspective, even if it's painful at times, especially when you stumble upon the fact that the Kate Spade bag you bought in September hasn't quite been paid off yet. And that you don't know where you put it, for that matter! It's almost like landing upon a picture of yourself from your 20s, drunk and sloppy, sporting the atrocious duck kissy face fiasco. Nothing attractive or worthwhile about that picture. All. The. Cringes.
Not that I would know from experience, or anything.
It's been super helpful to have this standing date with my finances, not only to keep me in check, but the transparency allows for a superb peace of mind that no alcoholic drink can ever bring.
Forgiving yourself
This is, by far, the most important tool I carry with me, 24 hours a day. I cannot tell you how easily my guilty voice sneaks in during my daily choices. You should have woken up at 9am and gone to the gym, you shouldn't be eating momma's white rice, you bought that Latte and there are starving people in the world. I mean, sometimes, she is relentless! I can typically block her out, but on the rarest of occassions, for a few seconds, I let her influence my mood and I sulk. But then I say out loud, and proud, I'm all good. I gotta live. And I'm only human. And, honestly, sometimes I have to say it out loud. Never fun to do in a crowded Starbucks, but if you have head phones on, it's really easy to make it seem like you are giving some one you love on the phone a pep talk!
Not a total fib. I mean, you gotta love yourself to do these kinds of crazy lifestyle changes and shit. And you have to be slow and steady. My impatience is present, and I acknowledge it, and, for now, it hasn't derailed me. When it inevitably tries to, I have these tools I can refer to. Or I can come here and blog it out.
And for that, I am always grateful.
