I haven't had to mourn the loss of a loved one much in my 37 years. I suppose one can say I have been blessed because of this. And I do happen to agree with that. But, the other side of this is that, when it does happen, I will be completely unready and unfamiliar with such pain.
And such is what happened yesterday at 4:47pm. My sweet fur baby, my 14 year old baby boy cat, Bam, was put to sleep. And I held his little head in my hands as he went.
And I am broken, so broken. So besides myself. I have tried everything. Weed, which makes me think MORE about it. I want my money back, Weed seller!
Wine. It made me nauseous. Didn't help me sleep. Just a headache and cotton mouth.
Food. Pizza, brownies, coffee. All meh . . .
I even watched The Office, my go-to for any pain and sorrow in my life. It ALWAYS helps.
Not this time.
I am sitting here with my feelings and it sucks.
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